The Grave Yard

As the sun carved the air with light, I rode my bike swiftly. I came across the grave yard so I stopped my bike and ran to the wooden gate. I unlocked the dusty handle and then pushed the gate and closed it fast. I tried to find my grandma’s grave stone but there was other grave stones that were old and dirty. Just then, I saw a dead bird just lying on the floor I felt like I was going to die because death in a grave yard. Suddenly the gate opened with a creak curiously  footsteps crept towards me. I felt like running away but I couldn’t. They were getting closer and closer  I felt like I was going to collapse!

By Leon & Ayesha

5 thoughts on “The Grave Yard

  1. You have a lovely opener for your story and you have used adverbs to add detail. Well done!

    Make sure you are checking that your sentences make sense. When you were describing looking for the gravestone, Daniel has suggested ‘My heart was pumping’ to add extra information. Luke also noticed a lot of repetition of ‘the graveyard’ – could you think of a different way to describe it?

  2. brilliant work Leon I like the way you have describe what has been
    happening but make sure you also describe the feelings of the character
    but this is a great work Leon well done.

  3. You have do a good job on the description. Now you need to work on the emotion. I really like the phrases I rode my bike swiftly. 😛 😀

  4. I love that it had so much detail. I could picture it in my head. It looked alot like the video! I love it. Ponctuation is in a the right spots.

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