The Grave Yard

A couple of minutes after lunch, I was riding my silver bike to the park, out of the corner of my eye I saw a graveyard. I just had to enter. Closing the gate behind me, I heard birds crowing. I had a look around the dirty, smelly, old gravestones.The grave stones looked like they were thousands of years old;they were as dirty as a pigsty .I spotted a dead bird surrounded by flies lying on the floor, I ran to the church door. I felt like there was a ghost under my feet. All of a sudden, the gate opened without a hand to open it. I heard giant footsteps coming towards me.It got louder and louder and louder and closer. I turned but no one was there……

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5 thoughts on “The Grave Yard

  1. I like the ending of your story, as it builds suspense! I also like the semi colon and the simile!

    However, you need to describe the feelings. How do you feel? How could you describe how you feel? Maybe you could say your heart was pounding like a lion?

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  2. Good story Lauren, you’ve used good use of description. You have also used ‘;’ that is really good, I only just learnt that yesterday!

    It is very good to use a lot of description but when your writing that you could be describing his feelings too! Don’t forget spaces after commas!

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